Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
