I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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