Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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