Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
