is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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