Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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