ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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