I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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