I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
