Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
