clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
