Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
