I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
