I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
