cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
