weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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