The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
