i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
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Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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