I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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