I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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