As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
