Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
