I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
