just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
