Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
