Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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