i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
