3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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