she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?