mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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