i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
