i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
