she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
