Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.