Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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