you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
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Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
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you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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