his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
