I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize