During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
