i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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