I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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