Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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