I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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