girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
