I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I cannot find my penis.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
