just tell him i said nine months
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
