a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
