so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Let's get the cat blown out
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
