the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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