you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
