It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
