Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
