I just pynch a tree in the face
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize