so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
