Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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