just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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