So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize