Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
