You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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