If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
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Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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