You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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