in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Pants are for mortals
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
