I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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