why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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