sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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