he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
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Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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