so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
